I really, Really, REAAAAALY am going to buy this for boyfriend for Christmas.
I'm kind of glad he doesn't read my blog, nor care about it, granted half of it is about him and all the things he does that either makes me laugh, or pisses me off. Or does something retarded. I dont know. But I sometimes wish he would read my blog to get a better understanding of my feelings and emotions. What ever. Maybe I can convince him to read it. Small hints dont work, yelling might.
So, here is my deep and thoughtful part of my blog that makes all you want to throw up. I love Boyfriend. I dont know if he feels the same. I would like to know...except for those few times he's said it and it really caught me off guard. Or drunk, but you say dumb shit drunk. But, as time goes on here in this horrible place, I get doubts. "He's leaving. He's going to leave me, I'm going to be alone. All this time, emotion and effort I put into this relationship was for nothing." Those are my thoughts that go on in my head, which in turn scares me. I've always been able to leave people with no feeling, those walls I built up, I have started taking down for him. Maybe he does feel the same way about me, but I need to hear it because I can not keep tearing myself apart with these thoughts and getting angry, or pissed at him with no reason given to him why I want to chew on his face. I wish he would read this, expressing my emotions verbally is hard, words and text flow easier than having to choke back emotion to tell someone how I feel.
Now that thats over..... Christmas is soon. I get to go home for two weeks. I get my medical board started on the 30th of Nov, which is awesome because that means I'll be getting my ass outta here.
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