Come away with me today...

Everything should be ok. 

Fill your pockets while you pray

With some to eat and some to save

Nobody has to stay

But we wish they would anyways

............................... 

Fuckin A Right

The mighty continents divided it

For a second time in all history

They found themselves just floating

Free from all responsibility

Without the weight of being whole

Some fruits evolved all on their own

But if you want something back

All the things that got cracked

When i felt like you lied to me

And all the million mistakes

And the kicks in the face

But i don't want you to die in me

So when you say what you want

That you need what you got

Don't forget to be kind to me

Now here's an apple with a tougher skin

While you've got your pretty scales and fins you say

See all the things that i can do

So perfectly my body grew but in

All the time you felt so free

Did you forget how much you once loved me

And if you want something back

All the things that got cracked

When i felt like you lied to me

And all the million mistakes

And the kicks in the face

But i don't want you to die in me

So when you say what you want

That you need what you got

Don't forget to be kind to me

I don't want you to die in me

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I love those two songs. Infact when I am sad I find myself listening to them. Yeah I'm full of anger and hate towards the people I was with before, but what can you do. I'm Bi Polar, and as the years have gone by I have taken matters into my own hands. I stopped the medication I was on simply because it made me feel like a zombie. I lost all creativity, and for those who know me, they understand that my art, my writing my thoughts are indeed mine. I cant be cut off from that. I have learned that most famous artists suffer from Bi Polar disorder. Vincent Van Gogh being one of them. But I probably wont cut off my ear and give it to someone I think I love. 

My emotions are a hard thing to control, and as of late I have found myself spiraling into that all to familiar hole of depression. To me it feels like someone has thrown a wet blanket over my body, its heavy, hard to breathe and damn hard to fight your way out of. I know what its coming because the best of situations can be made into doubtful ones. I obsess  over what could be instead of the now. I bury myself into a deep hole that I know I cant get out of, and I throw out my hand to reach for someone to pull me out of it. 

Its even harder when I cant even tell someone why I feel the way I do, or why I just start to cry with no reason. I hate talking about how I feel, because I dont want people around me to judge me. Being stuck here in this place (fort huachuca) is hard enough, every day is the same and I'm feeling myself start to crack and slip further into the places I used to go. I dont want this. But people are none the wiser to my depression, my mania. I fake it pretty well, hide it so they dont wonder about me or tell me I need to see someone. I think I will talk to someone, just to keep myself sane. But I refuse to talk to anyone who will give me pills. I dont want to be that regulated zombie with no talent.