All around the world was waking...I could never go back. Cuz all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open

Blinding

No more dreaming of the day as if death itself was undone. No more crowing like a crow for a boy, for a body in a garden. No more dreaming like ghost so in love with the mortal world.

All around the world was waking, I could never go back. Cuz all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open. And finally seeing that the spell was broken, and all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open. And all i was began to shake, my eyes flew open. 

Stitching at the circuit board, synapse slipping through the open door. 

Somethings

The Long Walk.

All of my Artwork is copyrighted. By Me. I made these. These are my favorite pieces that I have done. 

Come away with me today...

Everything should be ok. 

Fill your pockets while you pray

With some to eat and some to save

Nobody has to stay

But we wish they would anyways

............................... 

Fuckin A Right

The mighty continents divided it

For a second time in all history

They found themselves just floating

Free from all responsibility

Without the weight of being whole

Some fruits evolved all on their own

But if you want something back

All the things that got cracked

When i felt like you lied to me

And all the million mistakes

And the kicks in the face

But i don't want you to die in me

So when you say what you want

That you need what you got

Don't forget to be kind to me

Now here's an apple with a tougher skin

While you've got your pretty scales and fins you say

See all the things that i can do

So perfectly my body grew but in

All the time you felt so free

Did you forget how much you once loved me

And if you want something back

All the things that got cracked

When i felt like you lied to me

And all the million mistakes

And the kicks in the face

But i don't want you to die in me

So when you say what you want

That you need what you got

Don't forget to be kind to me

I don't want you to die in me

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I love those two songs. Infact when I am sad I find myself listening to them. Yeah I'm full of anger and hate towards the people I was with before, but what can you do. I'm Bi Polar, and as the years have gone by I have taken matters into my own hands. I stopped the medication I was on simply because it made me feel like a zombie. I lost all creativity, and for those who know me, they understand that my art, my writing my thoughts are indeed mine. I cant be cut off from that. I have learned that most famous artists suffer from Bi Polar disorder. Vincent Van Gogh being one of them. But I probably wont cut off my ear and give it to someone I think I love. 

My emotions are a hard thing to control, and as of late I have found myself spiraling into that all to familiar hole of depression. To me it feels like someone has thrown a wet blanket over my body, its heavy, hard to breathe and damn hard to fight your way out of. I know what its coming because the best of situations can be made into doubtful ones. I obsess  over what could be instead of the now. I bury myself into a deep hole that I know I cant get out of, and I throw out my hand to reach for someone to pull me out of it. 

Its even harder when I cant even tell someone why I feel the way I do, or why I just start to cry with no reason. I hate talking about how I feel, because I dont want people around me to judge me. Being stuck here in this place (fort huachuca) is hard enough, every day is the same and I'm feeling myself start to crack and slip further into the places I used to go. I dont want this. But people are none the wiser to my depression, my mania. I fake it pretty well, hide it so they dont wonder about me or tell me I need to see someone. I think I will talk to someone, just to keep myself sane. But I refuse to talk to anyone who will give me pills. I dont want to be that regulated zombie with no talent. 

I dont speak Spanish

I used to have red hair. I also like graphic design. I wanna be a comic book hero when I grow up

Anyways. Random photo of the day. I'm awake at 3:25 in the AM, Pacific time in the Merry old land of Fort Huachuca because I have fireguard. Its pretty rad. Not really I'm a fucking lier. Luckily this is the last shift and I didnt loose much sleep.

I went to physical therapy today, the only physical therapist who cares actually asked about my shoulder injury, which isnt on any records because I refuse to go to the TMC and get it checked out, he actually was concerned for my pain and my shoulder and he even did electro stim and ice and compressions for me. Which didnt help but its ok. I was told I probably did tear my Rotator Cuff in my left shoulder after a few people looked at it. Now I have to go to the TMC, even though one of the men working there already accused me of being a drug addict and faking my injury. I'm just going to have my platoon sergeant request that I see an actual MD with some ACU's on and officer rank. THANK YOU.

Word, dawg

 The four day is coming up, and for those of you who are retarded, that's Labor day weekend. And if you didnt know that, you suck ass. I'm going to San Diego because me and my man (mainly me) want to go to the zoo, I think he just wants some beer and a beach, which I dont blame him, I do too. And Seafood. I'm excited for it because it means moar meaningful time with him other than the weekends here. Our leave was good though. And I got to see home.

I'm done now

I love lamp.

I've never really had any problems hiding my emotions from the people I care about. But as of late I have a giant swell of emotions and I'm afraid to actually tell the person I'm with just how I feel. And I feel a lot of things we have done, and the experiences we have gone through have brought us together. I have learned many things from my past relationships, and maybe its just the way I am that made those who were with me grow distant, or the fact that they weren't the type of people I was looking for.

You totally want this.

My quirky personality, my weird habits, my impulsiveness, they are accepted by this person, and for that I am too afraid to say I love you. I am afraid of rejection, to be told no. Or to be let down, and I dont have it in me to be crushed by another individual. I have opened up enough with this person that I find it a strange uncomfortable place. I want to let this relationship grow to something more without pushing it farther. I have never been happier to even be around this person, to know he will take care of me, or make me feel better when I need him. He needs me just as much as I need him