HOLY SHIT. And some other deep and thoughtful things...less of that though

I really, Really, REAAAAALY am going to buy this for boyfriend for Christmas.

I'm kind of glad he doesn't read my blog, nor care about it, granted half of it is about him and all the things he does that either makes me laugh, or pisses me off.  Or does something retarded. I dont know. But I sometimes wish he would read my blog to get a better understanding of my feelings and emotions. What ever. Maybe I can convince him to read it. Small hints dont work, yelling might. 

So, here is my deep and thoughtful part of my blog that makes all you want to throw up. I love Boyfriend. I dont know if he feels the same. I would like to know...except for those few times he's said it and it really caught me off guard. Or drunk, but you say dumb shit drunk. But, as time goes on here in this horrible place, I get doubts. "He's leaving. He's going to leave me, I'm going to be alone. All this time, emotion and effort I put into this relationship was for nothing." Those are my thoughts that go on in my head, which in turn scares me. I've always been able to leave people with no feeling, those walls I built up, I have started taking down for him. Maybe he does feel the same way about me, but I need to hear it because I can not keep tearing myself apart with these thoughts and getting angry, or pissed at him with no reason given to him why I want to chew on his face.  I wish he would read this, expressing my emotions verbally is hard, words and text flow easier than having to choke back emotion to tell someone how I feel. 

Now that thats over..... Christmas is soon. I get to go home for two weeks. I get my medical board started on the 30th of Nov, which is awesome because that means I'll be getting my ass outta here. 

Some art I found.

While trolling and lurking on Suicide Girls and plotting my next deviant adventure, I stumbled across a beautiful woman named Phoenix Suicide. Upon further inspection I found that she does art work. Now, we all know that Faith loves artwork of all types of mediums. So she had to inspect further. Upon clicking a little link I found more of her art work. Now here's my shameless plug of her art.

She sells them for $30. 

The Fox is adorable

Except this one, its done on wood and is $800. 

I would like to encourage everyone to buy her art, but unfortunately you need an SG Account to see the rest of these prints. No I'm not telling you to buy a SUB just to look at her art, this is just me showing an amazing talent. I on the other hand will be purchasing some of her art. Mostly because I have a thing for female faces and eyes, and she captures these things perfectly. Also I have a thing for adorable foxes. DONT JUDGE ME.

Boyfriend, Ninja's, My Humor.....its a long list...and turkey

Any ways, Most of you who know me, know my humor is strange. And my way of thinking is questionable at best. Well it has come as no surprise that my boyfriend is lost when it comes to my humor, Shenanigans, and other delightful ways you word fun things. I forgive him, because no one can be as awesome as I am.

IE: My Ninja Outfit. Do not get. 

I digress. My humor is pretty much lost on everyone asides from those who are closest to me. And at times, I use visual humor, because funny pictures make me laugh. Either way, Boyfriend likes to assume all jokes need a punchline. No. NO I say, they do not.  

This makes me laugh. Probably because it's pokemon.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, IT MAKES ME GIGGLE. THEREFORE, IN MY MIND. IT IS FUNNY. I dont know how to make him see the light of my horrifying humor, let alone understand. I can only think, and rationalize that a lobotomy would be good for him. But sadly that is too much work for me, and I abhor hard work.  I am lazy. On that note, we have probably one of the most retarded conversations in the history of human dating. 

Me: Hey, Boyfriend. 

Boyfriend: Yeah?

Me: You know what would be cool?

Boyfriend: What? 

Me: If our company had a pet Eagle.

Boyfriend: No. That sounds like a horrible idea. Also, if it were plausible where the fuck would you get an eagle?

Me: *on phone googeling "rent an Eagle" services* Um, I was going to rent one

Boyfriend: That makes no sense

Me: Sure it does, I could pay a man to loan us an eagle and we would keep it in the Cadre office

Boyfriend: No. And it sounds expensive

Me: *still looking for services to rent eagles*

Boyfriend: Did you find any?

Me: Um...No they don't put eagles on loan

Boyfriend: Even they know its a horrible idea

Me: It's a great idea. YOU ARE RUINING MY HOPES AND DREAMS

Boyfriend: Now you are being irrational.

Me: You are being irrational. 

Boyfriend: That doesn't make sense. 

Me: You don't make sense

It goes on from there and most likely devolves into growling and throwing things on my part. But come on, A pet Eagle? BAD ASS. 

Anyways, I'm done with this blog

Next time: Fancy Whataburger Ketchup 

When all you need to do is read....

I figured I would entertain the lot of you (yes and you too facebook people) with a story I've been writing for ever. The introduction is up, and the first portion will be up shortly. Enjoy. 

PS. Forgive my writing style. And dont judge me.

Of Zombies and Men; The Story of Ezra

This is the way the world ends....

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar


Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;
Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

In a gentle way, you can shake the world. 

People tell me I shouldnt have joined the Army due to the undue stress I am going through at the moment. Its not the Army that has done this to me. Its the place I am in, the place I loathe to call my new "home". A lot of time has passed, nearly a year since I stepped off the charter bus into Fort WeGotYou, Arizona fresh from basic training, excited to be free. I never expected an NCO would take the liberty and joy of injuring me. Now I'm stuck here. At first it was ok, then it slowly got worse.

I can honestly say I hate this place, I hate everyone here, and as I type this it literally makes bile form in the back of my throat thinking about it. Hell. This place is my hell. My one solace, being able to leave the base has now been taken away from me due to the First Sergeants grand idea to make all of 1st do weekend CQ in all three barracks, Alpha, Bravo and Echo. I do enjoy the ass kissing. I enjoy being punished for not being adequately entertained during the day because all the "holier-than-thou" Brass comes through the barracks and we need to be out of sight. Classy, yes punish me because I have no where to go. Take what refuge I have away from me. Give the newest platoon gods shining graces in the form of movies and fun time while my broke ass has to find somewhere to hide and hope I dont get yelled at. God only knows its about time I have an explosion on an NCO. I dont care what happens.

If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain. 

The XO found me two weeks ago having a breakdown by the janitors closet because I couldnt take it anymore. Their solution? Make me work with my sergeant. A horrible cure to my problem. Like putting a rug over piss and hoping it covers up the smell as it stagnates. I hate this place. I hate the fact I am being punished for not being able to do anything. Never in my life have i debated that being dead is a far better solution than being here. Disturbing. I hate it.

I went from being a wonderful happy individual, to this....thing I dont know what to call me. Monster thats inside of me. I want it out of me, I want to be away long enough from the company that the thought of ripping my head off doesnt reoccur. Or my dreams go away where people kill me because I want that release. I dont want to cry anymore because I'm so miserable.

E Co. I hate you.  Vile. Disgusting. Virus.

Judge Me, call me crazy, do what you will. I'll voice my opinions without fear of repercussions, because I know I'm right in how I feel, and I know they help I need. I acknowledge that I need it, and I understand what is wrong with me. Deny me my help, deny me my voice. Deny my right to sing and you will see how much pain I am in, and I will ensure you know it everyday. This is my own call to arms, my own mental affirmation that I will do what I can to make everyone understand the hurt I feel.

I will use my voice to wage a war, I will not pick up a weapon. The voice, the soul is louder than any weapon man can pick up, and it doesnt just apply in the Civilian world, but also in the army.

All I want is my peace, the calm in my mind.

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all.

All around the world was waking...I could never go back. Cuz all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open

Blinding

No more dreaming of the day as if death itself was undone. No more crowing like a crow for a boy, for a body in a garden. No more dreaming like ghost so in love with the mortal world.

All around the world was waking, I could never go back. Cuz all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open. And finally seeing that the spell was broken, and all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open. And all i was began to shake, my eyes flew open. 

Stitching at the circuit board, synapse slipping through the open door. 

Somethings

The Long Walk.

All of my Artwork is copyrighted. By Me. I made these. These are my favorite pieces that I have done.